Something I Hate About Myself

I'm going to join in on this thing called 30 Days of Truth.

click the picture for more info



It's a list of 30 blogging topics. The topics are supposed to be answered in 30 consecutive days, but I doubt that will happen seeing how school is so inconsistently, overwhelmingly filling my life with unwanted stress.

However, here is Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.

Hate is such a strong word. And I consider myself to be created by the creator, Yahweh, so hating anything about myself or anyone else would be hating against the One who contains eternity -- Not Cool!
I do have things about myself that have taken me a while to come to terms with (and honestly, I'm still learning to cope with those things now too).

• I'll never be a size 2 again. I remember in junior high when I could fit into zeros & 2s, but since then I received such a blessing as that of 'womanly curves' and I haven't found that pair of size 2 fitting jeans since.
  

I was devastated when I started 'filling out' (as my mother so grossly phrased it). I felt like everything was changing and I had no control over it. Nothing she told me, no compliment from anyone could make me feel any better about myself. I was no longer the smallest girl in my class and for some reason that I can't explain, I started absolutely hating myself, my body, and even my personality because of that. It took me down a dark path of self-loathing which included little nutritional intake on my part, and many trips of dragging me to the doctor on my mother's part. I would cry over how I looked and I would beg God to change me. I had no clue at that point in my life, that me saying that probably broke God's heart. He created me. He Loves me. He sent his son to die for me. I had to accept that. It was truth. Jesus really does love me. I had to let go of my earthly way of thinking and embrace His way. I had to let go of everything society had taught me about beauty and embrace the Biblical definition of beauty.

[See Proverbs 31 for more on that]

When I started to see things differently: life, my body, who I was as a female, I changed. I'm in no way perfect, but His mercies are new every morning and there's a Grace to live holy, to live simply, to live virtuously if you'll accept it. (And I like to think that in our particular society there's extra grace for that.)

Looking back, I see how going through that at such a young age has made me so much stronger in my faith. It showed me who I am to God. It allows me to understand and identify with girls who experience that feeling and to reach out to them. And it will allow me to steer my future children away from that path as well.

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;
but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised."

-Proverbs 31:30

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.